I have said it before. It is less the act of the chat rooms and porn and more the lies and deceit. The lack of respect is part of it, too. A little over one year into this struggle I have found David deep in his addiction once again. He had been acting distant and extremely sensitive. There was nothing I could do that was right. He was doing little things (sometimes big things) to get "even" with me. Sunday was my 35th birthday and I was out of town Saturday and most of Sunday to see a football game. That morning when we texted - oh by the way he bought himself the new iPhone but that is another problem - I had to remind him it was my birthday because he didn't call and I was the one who initiated the chat. I asked to see a movie when I got home and he said, "Maybe."
When I got home a little before 9pm, I walked into a dirty house with no indication of it being my birthday. No card, no gift, no note, no nothing. He wasn't even awake. He was taking a nap upstairs. This was his way of getting back at me for not celebrating my birthday with him. Because my birthday should be all about David. Logical.
We got in a huge fight because this was the old David. The distant, selfish, spiteful David. All my instincts were telling me there was something wrong.
Noticing he had gone through about 3 tubes of my expensive lotion in 2 days was a big indicator, too.
Today I reviewed our phone bill. I did not want him to get the iPhone and had told him as much. He didn't listen. Within 3 minutes of looking at the bill I saw random phone numbers called and multimedia texts being sent and received to his number. A good portion of them on my birthday.
After calling one of the numbers and "Jade" answered I knew what was going on. These were not coworkers or classmates. These were sexts with random people.
It took 15 calls to his cell phone before he answered. He finally admitted that he had been struggling the last month and the iPhone was a very bad idea. He had been using a computer that was broken (not sure if he got it repaired just for his addiction or if it just started working again). As we talked I drove to his office. He recently started another job in finance.
I pulled in and asked for his cell phone. He gave it to me and asked if he could sit in the car and talk. Once the phone was in my hand I drove away. He had weeks to talk to me and say he needed help and was having weak moments. Talking opportunities were done.
So this is where we are at:
He has tonight between 7-10 to clean out whatever he wants of his stuff
He is to move out tonight
I have taken him and his cars off of my insurance
I have cancelled his phone number and returned the iPhone
I have changed our homeowners insurance to not cover his personal items
There is a locksmith coming tomorrow morning to change the locks
I have an appointment with the divorce lawyer on Monday
Stopped payment on a check that I had written to him for our taxes (they direct deposited to me and he was going to use the money to start paying down some of his debt). No small amount $7000 tax return.
Signed up for benefits just for me. No link to David.
Removed him as the beneficiary on my life insurance
BOUGHT MY OWN BIRTHDAY GIFT. I had asked for the new Nook and now I have it.
I feel numb and like I am on auto pilot. And empty.
