I will post more details later but long story short is that I found out David had started online chatting with misc. women again.
Not only has he started again he:
1. Didn't come to me or do anything to get help.
2. Contacted some of the same people and used the same verbiage (22/m/FL) On here chatting because I can't sleep :)
3. Has been doing it since mid March.
I got 104 days of him not relapsing.
So not only did I find out I:
1. Tossed all of his clothing, toiletries, shoes out on the driveway.
2. Called an attny to start the separation process.
3. Used money that I was saving for a nice piece of furniture for our house (OUR HOUSE) to go get Botox.
Time to work on me and get back into COSA. Hindsight is showing me how much I let him get away with and how little I protected myself. He is not my problem right now.
I thought I was in shock...Wasn't that weepy...but now after an amazing weekend with dear friends, I think I am finally establishing so peace in my life. I am putting my mental health first and I already feel better.
Also...not much appetite loss. On that note...gonna go eat some mac n cheese and call it a night!
have you ever thought about you being the problem? maybe if you satisfied his sexual appetite, he wouldn't have this "addiction"
ReplyDeleteHello,
ReplyDeleteI found out 2 months ago the same about my husband for 13 years. He admitted he uses pornography since he is 14!!! (now 44). he made porn, chats, all the kinds of web sex sites and also sex parties. We have two kids. I told him to move out. I am destroyed. I do not know what will be with me.
Is it possible that such man changes? For our children.
Greetings.
Hi Joanna,
ReplyDeleteThe biggest thing is to decide what you can forgive and if you both want to save the marriage. This is not something one person can fix (I tried that). You also need to get help for yourself since this is such a personal addiction and affects the spouse just as much as the addict.
It took me almost 7 months to undertand that this is an addiction. Your husband may have started the way mine did. It was sexual at first but then it became a way to relax...then destress...then escape. Like all drugs it took more and more to get the same result and he wanted it more and more. And like an addict he may have even rationalized it to himself that what he is doing is "normal" and that he has control of it.
Try to find a COSA group near you (if not there are online and telemeetings) or a CODA group. They both have helped me. Also, let me know if you just need someone to talk to that knows exactly what you are going through. I made a friend in COSA whose husband had a similar porn addiction. It just feels better to know you aren't alone.
And trust me, you aren't!