The good news: from what I know and what I have seen David has not had a relapse with his porn or sex addiction. I got a full time job offer that I accepted.
The bad: David has become obsessed with money and "one upping" me.
The ugly: The constant bickering over money and David's need to be the center of attention has cased me to bring back the reality that we are still not at the point to deal with fights over little things.
I am working on not stewing in my own anger. When he finally pushed me over the edge with the one upping ("You think YOU had a bad day!!!") and money nit picking ("why did you deposit this check instead of giving it to me? That was MY $100.") I simply told him that this needs to change. And I KNOW that we are still working on him realizing when he hurts me and me trusting him again. My boundary (RULE) that I set with him is that every time he does those actions I get to write a $50 check from his account to my account. I do know money affects him and I am not sure if that worked or the fact that I made it purely BLACK and WHITE what I was mad about and what he needed to stop and what would happen if he didn't. Like a child.
All I know is that I am really gun shy right now and it seems every time I get a little comfortable with us I have a new behavior to stop.
I visited friends this weekend and discussed our problems minus the sex and porn addiction. Saying it all out loud was really sad. We haven't even gotten to the point in therapy when they feel we can handle being together during the sessions.
Silver lining: I will have money of my own again and my car just got paid off. I will finally feel a little less trapped by the situation and hopefully David will feel the possibility of loosing me. This is hard to say but I just feel I need a break from him for a while. Glad I have a trip out of town in a couple weeks. For the first time I NEED a vacation. I need to forget my everyday life. It is exhausting.
Second Silver Lining: Appetite is better. Sweets-especially chocolate-still doesn't taste right. Honestly most things don't but sweets are way off in flavor.
