Married to a sex addict

When this addiction touched our lives I realized that even though my therapist said it is the "alcoholism of our generation" there are very little resources on the subject.

One place that helped me was the wonderful blog and resource http://marriedtoasexaddict.com/

Joann is the author and I had submitted my story back in November.  If you have followed this blog you know all the changes since November. 

I do hope that my story will help some and at the very least help people know they are not alone. 

Keep up the great work, Joann!  You are an angel.
Aileen.

Co Dependant

When I joined Cosa the first time I didn't believe I was co-dependant.  Trying to take a good look at my place in this relationship. 

Yep...I may be a bit co dependant.  May be textbook. 

More info see this article.

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/signs-of-a-codependent-relationship

My day in the chair...

Saw my new psychiatrist.  I guess new is not the word...never had one before.  Saw my first psychiatrist today.  Went well.  Didn't cry as much as I did when I saw the therapist a couple weeks ago. 

I like that he wants to get David into a doctor to deal with his anxiety and SA problems and that it won't be him due to a that being a conflict of interest.

I like that he helped make the session about my healing and then get him help on his own.

I like that he told me it was ok to be un-trusting and snoopy and that will take time to get over. 

I like that he made me feel less alone.  He said David's problem is becoming more and more common.

I like that from the little he heard about David he agrees that he probably has an anxiety disorder and we are taking the right steps towards getting better.

I like that he didn't assume we will "make it through this".

I also have night terrors (if you don't know what those are in comparison to nightmares go here.  I also sleepwalk.  I also have a habit of falling asleep in repetitive tasks.  So aside from my depression I was a smorgasbord for this doctor. 

He said he had never seen an adult with night terrors.  My dad also sufferers from them so I figured it was common.  From what I have read only about 5% of adults suffer from night terrors.  My husband used to use this condition as a way to sleep in other bedroom and avoid time with me at night. 

He also gave me the name of a local certified sexual addictions therapist.  This one is not on my insurance plan so I am terrified how much it will cost.  But maybe if we put a price on healing David will see value in it and invest more in it. 

My brain hurts.  Have a phone interview today.  Gonna zone out for a while before the call. 

Fear of leaving him.

This weekend a good friend of mine is having a going away party about 4 hours away and I would need to stay the night since it is late and drinking would be involved.  I told her I couldn't make it due to money issues (20% true) but the real reason is I am absolutely terrified of leaving my spouse home alone. 

He has already shown a habit of diving into porn when I am away from home.  I have phone records and email and text records to back that up.  He has also engaged in porn when I was sitting 10 feet from him but it was more rampant when I am away.  One of the most hurtful times he has fallen into Internet porn was when I was driving home alone to my parents house in order to make our move from his grad school easier for him.  It was a 16 hour drive and I had two dogs in my car and had to cross over 5 states.  I kept David informed of my progress by text message.  On the day that I found out about this entire addiction I looked at that day and the next day when I completed the drive (it was a holiday weekend so easy to remember the date) and saw that he texted about 15 different number for almost 7 hours each day.  What a way for him to say thank you for trying to make things easier for the move. 

Back to my current stress...I now don't want to leave him alone.  The phone is now just for calls and has no email, text or Internet abilities-at least that saved us money.  I lock our only home personal computer so that he can't get onto the Internet at all.  Shockingly chat rooms are not something you can block without blocking everything.  And his favorite chat rooms were on AOL.  It has only been a month (one month today to be exact) and I think I need to be easier on myself with the healing and realize it will take a long time to trust him and to trust myself to trust him.  Trust....what we lost that I miss the most. 

I know one day I will have to leave him alone.  I also know he has a job that gives him the opportunity to do other things and just tell me he is at work.  The only thing that keeps me from worrying about that is I know that he is too scared to lose his job to jeopardize that and he (according to him and what he has told his therapist) he has never had physical contact with any women.  And in a weird way I know he would never use a prostitute because he is too cheap.  Kinda funny but true.  Had he had to pay for half of what he did online or on the phone this problem would have taken a lot longer to develop.  Either that or we would be thousands of dollars in debt.

I pray that one day I can trust him alone.  Will let you know when that day comes.

I have to read my magazines!

Down time is hard due to not trying to think about everything.  I took some time the other day to catch up on my magazines that I get in the mail.  I was a couple months behind on most of them. 

One article jumped up and bit me.  Reading it was like someone had peeked into my life and submitted it to Ladies Home Journal. 

Can this marriage be saved?

It shocked me that when I went to Borders to look for books about SA I could only fine one but this is a mainstream enough problem that Ladies Home Journal dedicated 3 pages to it. 

These stories are based on real couples having real problems.  The comments at the bottom left by the general public are rather sad.  Confirms why I have only told a select group of friends.