David and I talked through our fight last night. He has a way where he doesn't apologize but acts really nice and almost childlike to get me to warm back up to him. Didn't quite work this time and I waited until I heard the full "I'm sorry."
Some things discussed-
*he needs to reaffirm to me that he is serious about recovery.
*If I ask him to not sleep in our bed he needs to respect it.
*He needs to give me 5 non sexual hugs a day (hugs not going anywhere).
*He needs to set up his voicemail on his work phone so if I am mad I can call and leave a message rather then it going through his companies email.
*I need to remember that we can't fix everything in a month and we are making progress
*I should help give David small goals that he feels are attainable (go to the SAA meeting and church) rather then expect him to manage everything. He has a problem and needs help and support too
*He needs to NEVER say "You need to calm down" or any variant ever again. EVER.
*I need to remember that due to his childhood he has very negative ideas of psychiatry. Agreeing to go is a big step.
I know he was at fault but I am seeing glimmers of the man he was when we met and first married. When he would share everything with me. This addiction caused secrets and guilt and resentment for years. I can look back now and see the signs and symptoms but without the truth that we are working on there was nothing I could do to help him.
Before all these horrible secrets came out I would not look forward to seeing him. He was always grouchy and sensitive about everything. Now I feel we are both happy to see each other.
Strange...even though I know he did horrible things...I see more of the good person that he is now. Strange.
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