This weekend was good and bad. Good...The birthday went well. I made a cake and got a small gift for David. He was very appreciative and I felt very good doing it. Sometimes the normal things help get you though this unusual time.
He had to work very late on Friday (his actual birthday) so we celebrated more on Saturday night. He was supposed to go to SA on Saturday morning at 9am but due to a very stressful work week and lack of sleep we agreed to wait until next week to start.
We did start going to Church on Sunday. I mentioned before that we are both Catholic and we have been bad about being more than just Christmas Easter church goers. We went to one of the two churches close to us and I was not happy with the vibe. The homily was about (of all things) contraception. Of all the things in the world to preach on during the Advent season this is what they chose. This was also the first week of what is called "Catholics Come Home". It is a program to get Catholics re-involved in the church. SOOOO THIS is what you talk about to make them feel welcome. Strange. Also it really seemed like no one wanted to be there and the service ran 20 minutes over and it wasn't that crowded. We will try the other church next week.
One of the hardest parts of this is not snapping back at my husband when he nags or says anything negative. Yesterday he was talking about how anyone can loose weight. He is a rather vain person and I know even though I am a normal size he would love to have me be not just thin but skinny. His mom literally had a six pack into her 40's. I have photos. His sister is amazingly beautiful (hot even). I am cute. Got that down pat. Even when I try to be "hot" I just look like I am playing dress up. Anyways....even though I am at a good weight he kept harping on him loosing weight and how easy it is. I snapped and asked if he thought I was fat? He said no...but it is always easy to loose 10 lbs. I then hit him with "Well, if anyone is looking for a way to loose weight all they have to do is find out that their husband is a sex addict!"
I felt a little bad after I said it. But sometimes when he is giving me a hard time or nagging if you will I fell that he REALLY needs to cut me some slack since I am dealing with something new and awful and he is finally getting better after dealing with something for two years.
Another problem is that David makes almost all of the money. So while I am dealing with this stress I still have to "ask" for money to cover bills and Christmas gifts. He is a saver and does have our interests at heart to save as much as possible but asking permission from a man that has done so much betrayal drives me crazy. I know one doesn't link to the other but it has built resentment. Especially when he doesn't TRUST ME with the credit card. Yes, I am the untrustworthy one. Since the discovery of everything he is a little gentler about it and I always stress that the things I buy are rarely FUN things.
Now I am just venting but I think that is kind of the point of this blog. I know the few friends that know about this must get tired of hearing me complain and vent. They have stress and things going on in their own life. This blog always listens.
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