When I am away from David for longer than a couple hours I have started asking how he dealt with that idle time. These where the times that he used porn the most in the past before I found out.
My computer is still locked with a secret password every time I leave but I still ask if he had urges or acted on them. Honestly I am not sure what I would do if he did act on them.
The first 6 weeks after my discover of his sex addiction he said he never had any urges and just thinking about how hurt I was made him never want to do that again.
The last couple times I have asked him he said that he did have urges but didn't act on them. He said it was the idle time that makes his mind go back to porn.
Realizing that this is not something that will just go away is hard. Knowing it is something we will probably have to work on and always work on is depressing. It is something that has made me a little sad today. Reality is hard. I think I need to make the next COSA online meeting to vent.
I used to be able to talk to the few friends who I told but I know they are tired hearing of my problems. I don't blame them. I am tired of having my problems.
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